A Canadian Wonderland
by XionAmmy
Summary: When Canada is mistaken for Alice, he is thrown headlog into an ongoing war. How will he fare when he finds one of England's storybooks coming to life around him? How will he ever survive Wonderland? Rated for language, content, and paranoia/saftey.
1. Rabbit in a Waistcoat?

**Summary extended:** While playing an innocent game of hide-and-seek with Alfred, Matthew Williams, personification of Canada, is mistaken for a girl. Again.

He runs away from the man who believes he took in an orphaned girl and tries to get back home to his brother and guardian, America (Alfred F. Jones) and England (Arthur Kirkland). Along the way, he meets a strange rabbit...

How will he fare when he finds one of England's storybooks coming to life around him? How will he ever survive...

Wonderland?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Hetalia_. I also don't own Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There, The Looking Glass Wars, _American McGee's Alice_, the 2010 _Alice in Wonderland_ movie and/or video game, or any other _Alice in Wonderland_ related titles or merchandise. I also do not own the characters of Hetalia or the names used in the 2010 Tim Burton film _Alice in Wonderland_.

**A/N: **This story originated as a late-night plot bunny on Tuesday, the 22nd of March, 2011. I'm not sure which version of Alice in Wonderland this is based off of, but it's one of the ones where Alice returns to Wonderland... beyond that, I can't tell you which one it is. Anyway, my brain started running, and... I couldn't get the story out of my head. I grabbed a pencil and got to work, and that resulted in this!

**Enjoy~!**

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><p>As I wander through the garden, staying close to the forest's edge, I can't help but wonder if this is really such a good idea.<p>

I yank on the skirt of the light blue dress, frowning. Do I really look _that_ much like a girl?

… It's decided, then. England will be more than happy to let me change out of and proceed to burn this bloody dress. Escaping through the forest is my best – and only – chance.

"Alice?" Mr. Kingsleigh calls. I bite my lower lip, holding back a stream of French curses. It's now or never.

I take the plunge, forcing my way through the thick bushes that line the border between the garden and the woods. I slip away among the trees, running as fast as I can in a desperate bid for freedom. In my rush, I fail to notice the tree directly in front of me until –

"Look out!" a voice hisses nearby.

Startled by the unknown voice, I skid to a halt. My indigo eyes scan the area, searching for the voice's source.

"Down here," it whispers. My head snaps around to face the source. I lock eyes with...

Is that a white rabbit wearing a waistcoat, or have I finally lost my mind?

The rabbit eyes me for a moment, as if waiting for me to say something. "Well, you seem to be much quieter than I remember you being, Alice," the rabbit declares at last, breaking the delicate and awkward silence that hung between us. The white rabbit's voice was male, its accent distinctly British and as heavy as Arthur's.

Okay, a _talking rabbit_ that wears a _waistcoat_. Either I fell asleep reading the Alice in Wonderland books again (which would explain everything, including the dress and the rabbit) or I've gone insane.

Here's hoping it's the first one.

"Um..." I manage to squeak out. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around having a conversation with a rabbit (not that talking to Kumajiro is all that different, to be perfectly honest).

The rabbit rolls its eyes (can rabbits even do that?). "No matter, there is no time for idle chit-chat. Off we go," it continues firmly.

Obviously, this must be some kind of crazy dream, so I can see no harm in following this odd rabbit. After all, how much trouble can I possibly get in?

Oh, that's right. More trouble than I could _ever_ want to get into.

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><p><strong>Okay, I hope you all enjoyed.<strong>

**A few preemptive answers to questions I came up with while writing this:**

**Why was Matthew mistaken for a girl to begin with? **He is often described as effeminate, plus he fits the stereotypical Alice image (wavy blonde hair (shorter than Alice's was, but oh well), blue eyes, the works). His kidnapper person, by the way, was Alice's father, who mistook him for her. You'll see why later.

**When does this take place?** This takes place around the same time as the Alice stories – the Victorian era. It is the only time period that fits, especially since Matthew mentioned the Alice in Wonderland books written by Lewis Carroll – the books were written during the Victorian era, after all.

**Why is he so skeptical and taken aback by the rabbit when he lives with Kumajiro, a _talking polar bear_ that forgets his name on a regular basis?** There is a reason for this! This is similar to a scene in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. When Alice first notices the rabbit, it is not the fact that it speaks that confuses Alice. It is the fact that it pulls a pocket watch from the pocket of its waistcoat that causes her to chase it! In this case, it is the human clothing that initially confuses Matthew, since Kumajiro can also talk, but he soon realizes that this is not Kumajiro that he is talking to, which serves to confuse him further.

**Shouldn't Matthew be a bit more accepting of his current attire, seeing as he _is_ Canada? **Perhaps, but this is _my_ story, and I think that, although outwardly accepting of the situation, Canada REALLY wants to get out of the dress as soon as he can. He may be less stubborn than America, but that doesn't mean he's okay with being dressed up like a girl... It's the natural response of a person who is not dressed up of their own free will to STOP CROSSDRESSING. Not that I would know, but... yeah. I ain't no psychiatrist, I ain't no doctor with degrees (props to those who catch the song reference), so don't take what I say as the truth.

**How old is Matthew supposed to be, by physical age? **This fic is not supposed to be historically accurate in any way, and this is simply further proof of that. Both Matthew and Alfred are supposed to be young children, between the ages of six and ten (eight being the most accurate guess). However, according to Hetalia and history itself, Alfred should be in his late teens by then, with Matthew a few years younger than Alfred (physically). The Victorian era in England matches up with the Civil War era in America, after all. However, there will be no mention of any wars in this story aside from the one in Wonderland.

**What other characters will be appearing? **From what I have so far, a good most of the Alice in Wonderland will be appearing. _Hetalia _characters include Matthew (obviously) and America with major roles, and various other characters, including England, with more minor roles.

**Wait, if this mainly takes place in Wonderland, then how can America have a major role? **All in good time, dear readers. All in good time... after all, who's to say that Matthew's the only person going to Wonderland?

**If you have any further or otherwise unaddressed questions, feel free to drop a review and ask. **

**Remember, AUTHORS LOVE REVIEWS, so the sooner you leave some, the more we will be encouraged to write! HOWEVER, flames can lead to a story being discontinued if enough are left.**

**I won't be discouraged... the story will just go from being similar to the semi~dark-but-still-cheerful parallel of the 2010 _Alice in Wonderland_ to a parallel of the much darker _American McGee's Alice_. You have been warned.**


	2. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Summary extended:** While playing an innocent game of hide-and-seek with Alfred, Matthew Williams, personification of Canada, is mistaken for a girl. Again.

He runs away from the man who believes he took in an orphaned girl and tries to get back home to his brother and guardian, America (Alfred F. Jones) and England (Arthur Kirkland). Along the way, he meets a strange rabbit...

How will he fare when he finds one of England's storybooks coming to life around him? How will he ever survive...

Wonderland?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Hetalia_. I also don't own Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There, The Looking Glass Wars, _American McGee's Alice_, the 2010 _Alice in Wonderland_ movie and/or video game, or any other _Alice in Wonderland_ related titles or merchandise. I also do not own the characters of Hetalia or the names used in the 2010 Tim Burton film _Alice in Wonderland_, or the idea that Wonderland was actually a mispronunciation of Underland, as is suggested in the 2010 _Alice in Wonderland_.

**A/N:** In case you haven't noticed by now, I'm not saying directly who exactly is narrating in this story. The previous chapter was narrated by Matthew, this one will be narrated by both Alfred and Matthew. Their separate stories are separated by those line-thingies, whatever they're called. This is a slight test of your reading skills. Can you guess who is narrating which part even if I don't label it, using either Al's cowlick and Mattie's curl or names mentioned in the narrative?

Plot bunnies running rampant in my brain~! … Oh, you're still reading this? It's nothing interesting, feel free to move on! ^.^'

**Enjoy~!**

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><p>"Mattie?" I call, searching the large field for any sign of my twin brother. "You can come out now, you win!"<p>

A gust of wind blows through my hair, ruffling the single gravity-defying strand that stands apart from the rest of my golden-blonde hair in its total refusal to comply with the laws of gravity. I can almost hear a voice in the wind, whispering haunting words in a taunting, sing-song tone.

_Hide-and-seek has a cost,  
>He will be forever lost!<em>

I can't help but shiver. Is this my fault? I'm the one who suggested that we play one more round of hide-and-seek, after all...

A renewed sense of urgency surges through me. It would be totally unheroic to let Mattie wander around, lost in some god-forsaken forest! "Come on, Matt! This isn't funny anymore!" I yell, hoping against hope that he will respond. "Mattie? Matt! Mattie, where are you?"

"What's wrong, lad?" a familiar voice asks from behind me. "Did someone get lost?"

I turn to face Arthur, the man I view as both an older brother and a father. "Yeah, Mattie got lost while we were playing hide-and-seek," I reply. "Have you seen him anywhere?"

"Who?" Arthur asks, a blank look in his emerald-green eyes.

"You know, Matthew!" I explain, flailing my arms. "My brother! Mattie! Canada!"

"Oh, right. Matthew," Arthur says, nodding. "Well, if he's lost, it would be best to go look for him together, yes?"

It took him long enough. "Yes, it would. Now let's go!"

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><p>I know rabbits are fast, but this is ridiculous! Even though I'm faster than most people (Alfred often says it's my "superpower" or something like that, whatever that means), I can't keep up with this odd white rabbit!<p>

"Oh, maple!" I whimper. "Please, slow down a bit!"

"Hang in there!" he calls back. "We're almost there!"

I know what he means by 'hang in there.' At least he understands that I don't have a limitless energy supply, like what he seems to have.

My breaths are desperate, gasping pants at this point. I don't know where 'there' is, but the sooner we arrive, the better.

I turn one last corner, but I can't see the rabbit anywhere. I wander carefully around the small clearing, searching for any sign of where he might have gone – a tuft of fur, footprints, broken twigs, anything. I step closer to one tree in particular, hoping to rest against it.

No such luck. I suddenly find that there is nothing beneath my feet – only a deep, dark rabbit hole that seems much larger than most rabbit holes. Next thing I know, I'm tumbling down a dark abyss.

I can't help but scream, desperately avoiding what other things I can see tumbling towards me in the dim lighting: a grand piano, a table, a chair, a bed... various everyday household objects, all falling at varying speeds. All of them defy the laws of physics to some degree. Some even 'fall' up, past me and towards the surface!

A solid-looking surface moves towards me at dizzying speeds. My eyes widen and my arms flail, desperately trying to slow my fall. I only manage to flip myself over, to turn myself so I can see the shrinking pinpoint of light that is the world above, the world from which I came.

I land hard on the flat stone surface with a quiet grunt. It gives away, and my fall continues until I hit a second surface.

I sit up slowly, rubbing the back of my head gently, my strange, gravity-defying (ENOUGH WITH THINGS THAT DEFY GRAVITY! Please, can't things just be normal? For the love of maple!) standalone curl hanging in front of my face. I slowly look around, brushing some of my golden-blonde hair away from my face.

A chain? How odd... it appears to be drawn taunt between a nearby base and a point on the ceiling, although I cannot imagine why someone might install such a thing...

I follow the chain with my eyes, wondering absently why the floor has such an odd pattern... and then all mental processes halt abruptly.

A chandelier. It's not a chain, it's a freaking _chandelier_. This isn't the floor at all...

I'm on the ceiling.

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><p><strong>And that wraps up this chapter! Hope you enjoyed it!<strong>

**Again, leave a review if you have any questions, and I'll answer with a private message and/or posting it in another chapter (either the next chapter or a few chapters after, depending on how long it takes me to post the following chapter(s)).**

**ALSO! Props to anyone who caught the reference! It's the lyrics of a song, not telling which one. I hadn't been listening, but I read over what I had written, and... that line popped into my head. The words really seemed to fit, so... yeah, they wound up staying.**


	3. Thirteen Years!

**Summary extended:** While playing an innocent game of hide-and-seek with Alfred, Matthew Williams, personification of Canada, is mistaken for a girl. Again.

He runs away from the man who believes he took in an orphaned girl and tries to get back home to his brother and guardian, America (Alfred F. Jones) and England (Arthur Kirkland). Along the way, he meets a strange rabbit...

How will he fare when he finds one of England's storybooks coming to life around him? How will he ever survive...

Wonderland?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Hetalia_. I also don't own Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There, The Looking Glass Wars, _American McGee's Alice_, the 2010 _Alice in Wonderland_ movie and/or video game, or any other _Alice in Wonderland_ related titles or merchandise. I also do not own the characters of Hetalia or the names used in the 2010 Tim Burton film _Alice in Wonderland_, or the idea that Wonderland was actually a mispronunciation of Underland, as is suggested in the 2010 _Alice in Wonderland_.

**A/N: **Originally, chapter four (which should be coming out soon, by the way) was supposed to be chapter three. Then I remembered that I had promised Alice Kingsleigh would be a main character. I figured that I might as well introduce her early on, so... this chapter was born.

Oh, yes, one more thing: the song reference in chapter two? The lyrics were "_Hide-and-seek has a cost, He will be forever lost!_" and they are from "Such Horrible Things" by Creature Feature. Thank you to those who sent in a guess, regardless of whether or not it was correct! Creature Feature is not very well-known, so it is okay if you didn't catch it! I only know, like, four other people that even listen to Creature Feature!

Enough about that, though. This is a new chapter, so... yeah.

**Enjoy~!**

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><p>The long-haired blonde girl stares blankly at the wall of her tiny cell, mind wandering. How had she ended up in here, again? Something dumb, she supposes.<p>

No matter. She's locked up in here, that's all there is to it. So long as she's in here, that's all that really matters. The question of why will just have to take the back burner for the time being.

How long has she been in here? A few weeks? A century? Without windows, it's impossible to tell. Her only sense of time comes from when her meals are brought to her, but she never bothered trying to figure out any set period of time through them. After all, at the time of her arrest, she had only been seven (seven and a half, to be exact, not that it mattered anymore).

She looks down, studying the red, black, and white dress that had been made for her when she outgrew her original blue dress. It must have been several years since she was originally locked up – she has long since hit puberty, but she's still a child for the most part.

"Alice?" a voice calls from the doorway. The teen (as she supposed she must be by this point) turns to face her visitor.

Ilosovic Stayne, the Knave of Hearts. "What is it?" she asks, staring at the Knave, her blue eyes unnaturally void of emotion. "Do you need something?"

Stayne lowers his gaze, far from eager to give the poor girl whatever news the Queen sent him to give her. "The Queen has commanded yet another stay of your execution," he tells her, refusing to meet her eyes.

Anger flits through the girl's gaze. When she was first arrested (she still didn't know why), she was set to be executed a few days later. Her execution as put off, again and again. Most recently, it was scheduled for a week from today. "Again? How long have I been in here?" she demands, enraged. "Why doesn't she just kill me already?"

"Almost thirteen years," Stayne replies, nervously meeting her gaze. "I'm sorry, but it seems that some of the subjects are talking. The Queen is nervous, scared of something. She won't tell anyone what's going on, not even me."

Alice sighs, glancing down at the tattered blue dress and white pinafore in the corner of the room – the dress she had been wearing when she was first imprisoned. "That long...?" she asks, her voice trailing off.

She shakes her head quickly, forcing herself to focus. "But then what has her so nervous?"

"Like I said, some of the subjects have been talking," he explains patiently. "Rumors, mostly, but the most recent rumor I have heard is that you have 'returned' to Underland."

Alice turns to stare at her unlikely ally, shock apparent in her features. "Returned?" she echoes, blinking. "But I never left to begin with!"

"I know, Alice," Stayne replies. "But many of the citizens do not know that. They believe you escaped, unharmed, from Underland over twelve years ago."

"So..." Alice begins, brows furrowed, "somehow another outsider has made it to Wonderland, and they believe that this newcomer is me?"

"It seems that way," Stayne responds, nodding. "I'm not certain, though."

Alice sighs, looking away. "Why not keep the set date and tell everyone that I have been killed, followed by the announcement that I never left Wonderland after my second adventure?"

"I don't know," Stayne replies, shaking his head. "The Queen's method of logic is unfathomable, if it is even existent at all. It matches neither your world's logic nor the logic of Underland, which, I understand, is the opposite of your world's logic."

Alice nods. "You're right, Stayne. Her logic does not make sense at all."

Stayne purses his lips. "I'll see if I can get you out of here without alerting the Queen," he promises her apologetically. "Whoever this new Alice is, she will need your help.

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><p><strong>Okay, got the chapter done. Now for the answer for the question I'll bet you're all asking!<strong>

**Why is Stayne helping Alice? Isn't he one of the bad guys? **Yes, he is... in the movie, that is. However, at the end, he reveals himself to be in agreement with many of the citizens (the whole "Down with the Bloody Big Head!" thing) when he attempts to kill Iracebeth, the Red Queen, to avoid joining her in banishment. However, in my version of the story, the Knave is on Alice's side after she saves him from certain execution at the end of the first book (heh. At the very least, that is what happens in my mind). Anyway, the point is, the Knave feels guilty about helping with Alice's capture (which never happened in the books, but whatever) and winds up teaming up with Alice behind the Queen's back (so he still has to act like a villain, even though he's a good guy). Get used to it, plot twists are just part of the story.

**Be on the lookout for the next chapter of A Canadian Wonderland!**

**Until next time...  
><strong>_XionAmmy out!_


	4. Round Rooms and Wrong Alices

**Summary extended:** While playing an innocent game of hide-and-seek with Alfred, Matthew Williams, personification of Canada, is mistaken for a girl. Again.

He runs away from the man who believes he took in an orphaned girl and tries to get back home to his brother and guardian, America (Alfred F. Jones) and England (Arthur Kirkland). Along the way, he meets a strange rabbit...

How will he fare when he finds one of England's storybooks coming to life around him? How will he ever survive...

Wonderland?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Hetalia_. I also don't own Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There, The Looking Glass Wars, _American McGee's Alice_, the 2010 _Alice in Wonderland_ movie and/or video game, or any other _Alice in Wonderland_ related titles or merchandise. I also do not own the characters of Hetalia or the names used in the 2010 Tim Burton film _Alice in Wonderland_, or the idea that Wonderland was actually a mispronunciation of Underland, as is suggested in the 2010 _Alice in Wonderland_.

**A/N: **I have nothing to say, so... yeah.

Just... **Enjoy~!**

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><p>As I wander through the woods, a set of footprints catches my attention. They're small enough to be Mattie's shoe size, but there's no way it's him...<p>

Mattie doesn't wear girl's shoes.

Doesn't matter that it's not him, I can't leave an innocent kid alone to wander around in the woods! I follow the footprints, putting my Native American tracking skills to use for the first time in years.

Following the footprints and an occasional bit of light blue fabric snagged on branches, I eventually come to a small clearing. The trail ends here...

Wait, they stop next to a tree. Did the girl climb the tree for some reason? Was she running away from someone or something?

I approach the tree, walking around a few feet away, looking for the best way up. Finding one, I begin to climb carefully. Hey, maybe I can even spot Mattie if I look from a higher vantage point.

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><p>I'm on the ceiling. The <em>ceiling<em>. Don't get mad at me for freaking out, I have every right to panic. I have no way out, for one thing, and _I'm stuck on the fricking ceiling._

Oh, yeah, and the hole I made in the floor earlier? It's gone now. Is today going to get any weirder?

A thought hits me: what if I were to jump from the ceiling to the floor? Would I just land on the ceiling again, or would I land on the floor?

Well, it's worth a shot. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and push off the ceiling.

"OOF!"

Okay, I landed face-first on the floor. Painful, yes, but problem number one is solved. Now what?

Blowing my curl away from my face again (not that it ever helps, the curl just returns to its original spot in front of my face. Damn thing.), I glance around. Okay, lots of doors and a curtain. An empty room with a bunch of doors and a random curtain, possibly to cover a window.

Windows won't be very helpful right now, so I start with the door next to it, rattling the handle. Locked. If this is a reoccurring pattern, I am going to scream.

I move to the next door, testing the handle again. Locked. Just like the next three. And the last one before the curtain. _Merde_.

… I'm okay with getting a few cuts, so long as I get out of this god-forsaken room. Taking a deep breath and praying for a miracle, I yank on the curtain, drawing it off to the side and hooking it there.

There's not a window. There's not even a door, which would have been REALLY nice. Whoever owns this place decided to hang a curtain in front of a blank wall.

_Qu'est-ce l'enfer_? Why would anyone do that? I mean, come on! The curtain obviously isn't a tapestry!

There's no way out. There's no way I can get home. I'll never see my brother again.

As the full weight of my situation hits me, I sink slowly to my knees, struggling to hold back my tears.

"Francis ..." I whisper. "Arthur... A-Alfred..."

I can't hold back the tears anymore. One by one, they slide down my cheeks. _Mon Dieu_, why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this?

Sniffling, I look up. Wait a second... is that a tiny door? I blink. Okay, unexpected.

Today CAN get weirder, apparently.

The door is obviously either locked, too small for me to fit through, or both, but I try the handle anyway. No harm in testing, right?

Locked. Just as predicted. I sit back with a sigh, looking around once more.

Wait a second. When did that table get there? It was NOT there a moment ago.

On top of the mysteriously appearing table is a small bottle with a label attached to it as well as a key. I pick up the bottle, reading the label. 'Drink Me.' Absently, I place the bottle back on the table

On a hunch, I duck down under the table to check something. Yup. There's a small glass container with a square of cake with the words 'Eat Me' written in icing on the top.

Putting the cake back, I pick up the key, leaving the bottle on the table.

"This probably isn't going to work," I mutter to myself, fitting the key into the lock of the first door. No matter what I do with the key, the door remains stubbornly locked. "Of course. Just like in the book." Despite the fact that I know it won't work, I test the key on all of the doors.

"She remembered the upelkuchen. You'd think she would remember everything else from the first time," a voice murmurs. Chills creep up my spine. Is someone watching me?

Ignoring the voices, I test the key on the last door, the tiny one. It opens, but I know better than to try to slip through. I probably could, but I'm more likely to get stuck or something than get through it easily. Heaven _forbid_ that _anything_ here be easy for me.

"You've brought the wrong Alice!" a quiet voice, different from the one I heard earlier, hisses.

"No, she's the right one," a third voice insists. "I'm certain of it." The voice is familiar, but I can't quite place it.

"What happened next?" I whisper, biting my lip nervously and trying desperately to ignore those voices. Any mistake I make will take time to fix, time I don't want to spend in this cramped little room. "That's right, she put the key on the table and drank some of the liquid... it made her shrink, so she could fit through the door. But the door was locked again by the time she did that, but the key was still on the table..."

"That's what the cake is for," I continue quietly, tapping my fingers against the glass top of the table. "She couldn't reach the key with her shorter stature, so she ate some of the cake and grew much larger. Then, after picking up the key, she drank the rest of the contents of the bottle so she would shrink again and... no, she did something else, something about a sea of tears..."

I shake my head. "It will be much easier to just leave the key on the floor and not bother with the cake," I decide. Placing the key on the floor about halfway between the table and the door, I take a sip from the bottle.

_Mon Dieu! _It tastes _disgusting!_ I force myself to swallow, gagging slightly as the thin but foul-tasting liquid slithers down my throat.

"_She's the wrong Alice!" _the second voice insists, apparently not even watching anymore.

"Give her a chance!" the third voice protests.

I begin to shrink, panicking when the dress doesn't shrink with me. Thankfully, I don't shrink _too_ much, so it still fits to some extent, so long as I tie the apron tighter around me and wrap around the ends of the ribbon so as to keep the top of the dress against my skin. It's far too _long_, though. Long enough for the skirt (which was originally about five centimeters longer than knee-length, mind you) to touch the floor.

"This bloody skirt is going to trip me," I grumble in frustration, tightening the apron around my waist. "Oh well, I suppose it's better than nothing..."

Shaking my head, I hurry carefully over to the key, which is still sitting right where I left it, and scoop it up. It's much harder to handle now, being the size of a small _sword_. The key was large enough to begin with!

With some difficulty (meaning I tripped a few times), I manage to make my way to the small door and push the key into the keyhole. Gripping it with both hands, I turn the key and push the door open. Finally, I can get out of that damn room!

The door leads to a garden. I turn around, expecting to see a wall, but there's nothing there. All that remains to indicate where I came from is a door to nowhere.

"Curiouser and curiouser," I mumble, quoting the book just for the heck of it. I continue along a pathway through the garden, turning from side to side so as to see the many strange sights.

"I told you she was the right Alice!" the voice I heard before (the third one, to be specific) crows. I turn, indigo eyes widening in surprise, to see the white rabbit from before. He is accompanied by a dormouse (I suppose, seeing as dormice where the only mice mentioned in the books), three flowers that have faces (… okay, then), two bald boys that looked similar enough to be twins (Tweedledee and Tweedledum, perhaps?), and a dodo bird with blue feathers (it seemed odd at first, but then I realized that blue feathers might be perfectly normal on dodos. I wouldn't know, I've never seen one before now).

"I am not convinced," a flower states flatly.

"How is that for gratitude? I've been up there for weeks, trailing one Alice after the next!" the rabbit snaps, "and I was almost eaten by other animals!"

Okay... so he was looking for this "Alice" person, and he thought that I might be her... so he led me here?

"Can you imagine?" the rabbit continued angrily, glaring at the ground. "They go about entirely unclothed, and they do their... _shukm..._" That prompts some raised eyebrows in the crowd. I have no idea what he means, but I'm not so sure I want to know, anyway. "... in _public!_ I had to avert my eyes."

"She doesn't look anything like herself!" a second flower protests.

"That's because she's the _wrong Alice!_" argues the dormouse, pointing towards me with a frustrated air.

"If she was, she might be," one of the Tweedles decides.

"If she isn't, she ain't," the other replies.

"But if she were so, she would be," the first argues.

"But she isn't, nohow," the second insists. Finding no room for argument, the first decides not to reply. Instead, he rolls his eyes, looking away.

"How can I be the wrong Alice if I'm not even _called_ Alice?" I ask, growing more and more irritated as I glance from face to face. The confused looks on their faces only infuriate me more. "And who are you, if I might ask?"

"Oh, I'm Tweedledee, he's Tweedledum," the Tweedle on the right declares, gesturing to .

"Contrariwise, I'm Tweedledum, he's Tweedledee," his twin responds.

I have to wonder if they even realize that they just said the exact same thing.

"We should consult Absolem," the dodo declares.

"Exactly! Absolem will know who she is!" a flower agrees.

Tweedledee walks towards me, smiling. "I'll escort you," he offers, holding out his arm politely.

"Hey! It's not being your turn!" protests Tweedledum, frowning as he trails after his twin. "So unfair!"

Each Tweedle grabs one of my arms, yanking me back and forth as we walk down the path.

"Hey! Leave off!" Tweedledee whines.

"Let go!" Tweedledum snaps.

"Maple! Is this _normal_ for them? OW!" I yelp. "Are they _always_ like this?"

"Family trait," the rabbit explains apologetically, hopping after us. "You can _both_ escort her!"

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, the end of this chapter was based off of an actual scene of the 2010 <em>Alice in Wonderland<em>. A lot of what the Wonderland characters said was quoted directly from the movie. To do that, I watched the scene, rewound it repeatedly to look at and listen to specific lines, and used the subtitles feature to ensure I had the words and spellings of Wonderland terms right.**

**One of the few lines I changed (that wasn't one of Matthew's lines) was the dodo's "You'd think she would remember all this from the first time." I added the upelkuchen bit, since Mattie _did_ find the cake (which, by the way, is called upelkuchen in the movie) on his own, whereas Alice didn't find it until _after _she tried climbing back up onto the table to get the key (yeah, that didn't work).**

**In short, it took a _very long _time, but I think it was worth it in the end.**


End file.
